Non-verbal behaviour or 'body language' is a fascinating topic with all sorts of myths attached as well as a lot of useful information e.g.
facial expressions
eyes
crying
touching
July 01, 2009
June 30, 2009
Writer's block? Right as Rain!
E-mail if you'd like to know about workshops that will help you get unblocked
I've never known the awful shock
when words or rhythms just don't flow!
It seems to be that writer's block
Can make you stop or very slow!It's bound to happen, I suppose
To low and mighty, bright and dull,
To those who rhyme or scribble prose
In Dallas, London, Leeds or Hull.
The cogs get clogged the thoughts are dire,
The brain won't function as of yore.
The words won't come, we're not inspired,
The mood is heavy, blighted, bored.
The Pencils sharpened in their rows
The rituals just don't seem to work
You're keen as mustard, Heaven knows,
It's not as if you want to shirk!
Still, nothing happens, not a jot.
No inspiration thaws you out
You're cold as ice, your head is hot!
Nada, nothing, niente, nowt!
I guess I'll go and feed the cat,
Make another pot of tea.
Sort the papers, lay them flat,
Start again? No, have a pee!
Ah, that's better, Now I'll settle
But maybe just ten minutes telly?
A well-earned break, put on the kettle,
Prepare a snack to fill my belly.
I hear the kids, John, Jane and Marcus,
They want to eat, they ask where Tom is.
Tomorrow, though, I'll be more focused,
Organised to keep my promise.
Just as I promised yesterday;
I will not fritter time way!
I've NEVER suffered writer's block,
I'm just distracted by the clock!
When your own mind is a mystery
The 'halo effect' is a classic finding in social psychology. It is the idea that global evaluations about a person (e.g. she is likeable) bleed over into judgements about their specific traits (e.g. she is intelligent). Hollywood stars demonstrate the halo effect perfectly. Because they are often attractive and likeable we naturally assume they are also intelligent, friendly, display good judgement and so on. That is, until we come across (sometimes plentiful) evidence to the contrary.
Whole article
https://twitter.com/mjmallows
craftylistening.blogspot.com
Whole article
https://twitter.com/mjmallows
craftylistening.blogspot.com
May your heart sing
Click the Heading aboveSAVE LIVES
READ, REMEMBER & TEACH THIS!
Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator, the Tongue
STROKE:
Remember the 1st Three Letters....S T R
STROKE IDENTIFICATION:
During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall. She assured everyone that she was fine (They offered to call paramedics). She said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.
They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening.
Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital. At 6:00 pm Ingrid passed away. She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ.. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
RECOGNIZING A STROKE:
Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR . Read and Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Anyone can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S: *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T: *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE, coherently. (e.g. It is sunny out today.)
R: *Ask hir to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the medic.
New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue
NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue... If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other, that is also an indication of a stroke..
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved. So, if you retweet this and ask your followers to do the same, we might make a BIG difference.
May your heart be filled with joy for a long and joyful journey through life.
I hope every step of the way offers you enough pain to keep you compassionate, and enough joy to make your heart sing.
And I sincerely hope that both you and your heart Go Well!
September 14, 2008
Three Great Crafty Questions
“What do you like or appreciate about what you contributed to the whole process?”
“What might you differently in the future?”
“What would you like from me?” or "How do you think I can support you?"
These three crafty 'headline' questions, along with supplementary exploratory or 'expanding' questions are particularly useful after somebody has 'messed up'. They can also greatly improve communication general communication.
This is especially so if there is a power differential e.g. in a supervisory, managerial, mentoring, teaching, or counselling context.
If two (or more) people recognise and accept that they can both, simultaneously, be ‘Facilitators’ and ‘Learners’, there will be an acknowledgement of the intent or attitude informing the interpersonal transactions, regardless of relative status.
This approach might have more specific applications in formal contexts e.g. supervision or counselling, but the general principles and specific frameworks can of course be useful in casual and informal discussion or meetings.
These principles and frameworks are not only of immense help in improving communication between two people, but also in groups of almost any size – team meetings, for example, or decision making forums, focus groups and interview panels. They can also help to reduce or resolve misunderstandings, tension, conflict and so-called ‘personality clashes’, which are usually little more that emotionally charged, ego-driven power-plays as people compete to get their 'needs' met through manipulative displays of 'synthetic' emotions! These outbursts stem fro and exacerbate low self-awareness and self-confidence and lack of emotional intelligence.
If two (or more) people are both easily re-stimulated into emotional displays, instead of facilitating and cooperating with each other, they will bluster, bully or power-play, which deplete time, money, energy and morale.
The process of inquiry suggested here can reduce the likelihood or effects of these clashes.
One caveat: some power-players will not learn from any amount of training because their emotional and psychological distress is pervasive and profound. Without counselling, therapy of some other form of healing process, their inner turmoil will manifest in all their dealings with others! I want to emphasise the importance of intent!
You might start with the best will in the world and still be misunderstood! Different learning and communication styles, and differences of culture, experience, education or other variables, such as mood or hunger, can all contribute to misunderstandings.
Base your actions and reactions on the presupposition that even resistant, resentful or rebellious people can eventually be encouraged and enabled to cooperate and collaborate.
Calibrate to sensory specific observations somewhat more than inference or supposition. Ask exquisite and incisive questions [Meta-model, Milton-model, Clean Language, and various other models - which I will blog on later - all offer excellent templates for such questions) to gather high value information about the other persons unique 'maps' of the world. If misunderstanding happens, or personality clashes occur, it is easier to regain equilibrium because awareness of positive intent can be a beacon that realigns our focus and refocuses our attention.
Most Learners respond – as opposed to react – better to managers, bosses, teachers, parents and other facilitators who show patience, respect and consideration. Resistance in one person often indicates a lack of flexibility or empathy in another.
Having the wisdom and humility to look to our own communication style serves us well.
The three questions can be used to help (re)build confidence and self-esteem. Facilitators can determine the Learner’s levels of competence and ascertain whether, for example, it would be appropriate to delegate. The questions are also an excellent framework if, say, a person, or a team has completely messed up and the Facilitator wants to raise morale by lifting people out of any depression.
The real point is not so much asking the questions, but about creating a process of benign exploration, so the answers are explored, developed expanded.
The first question “What do you like or appreciate about what you contributed to the whole process?” assumes the the person had something positive in mind, or did something positive in fact. Starting with a positive assumption can start to rebuild confidence. The 'wrong-doer', if stuck in depression about the wrong-doing, might need help even to remember or accept that anything of value or worth occurred. If re-motivated, people and projects can move on. All parties can recognise that, despite any errors or failure, the transgressors devoted time, energy and commitment and had positive intent. Open acknowledgement of each person’s contribution helps determine organisational, team and individual ethos.
The second question “What might you differently in the future?” directs attention toward the future. Compare that with “What should you have done differently?” which directs attention into an immutable past. It also implies that the person will have learnt something from any mistakes and errors of judgment. The question, and the positive intent of the process, also conveys the message that ‘failure’ is not a mortal sin, merely a human probability. The word ‘should’ can trigger an enervating and disheartening ‘adapted child’ response, especially if asked by an authority figure with poor communication, listening, questioning or motivating skills.
Question three “What would you like from me?” or "How do you think I can support you?" helps the Facilitator to gleans some high value information about the Learner’s readiness to listen, to learn, to ask for or accept support. The answer can also give clues to the Learner’s Emotional Intelligence, including self-awareness of where s/he locates hirself in terms of: Unconscious Incompetence, Conscious Incompetence, Conscious Competence, or Unconscious Competence.
Good Facilitators help people get closer to organisational, team, personal and professional goals. By modelling good listening and exquisite questioning skills the Facilitator enables others to recognise any limiting beliefs and bedrock assumptions that might keep them running on habit.
go well
“What might you differently in the future?”
“What would you like from me?” or "How do you think I can support you?"
These three crafty 'headline' questions, along with supplementary exploratory or 'expanding' questions are particularly useful after somebody has 'messed up'. They can also greatly improve communication general communication.
This is especially so if there is a power differential e.g. in a supervisory, managerial, mentoring, teaching, or counselling context.
If two (or more) people recognise and accept that they can both, simultaneously, be ‘Facilitators’ and ‘Learners’, there will be an acknowledgement of the intent or attitude informing the interpersonal transactions, regardless of relative status.
This approach might have more specific applications in formal contexts e.g. supervision or counselling, but the general principles and specific frameworks can of course be useful in casual and informal discussion or meetings.
These principles and frameworks are not only of immense help in improving communication between two people, but also in groups of almost any size – team meetings, for example, or decision making forums, focus groups and interview panels. They can also help to reduce or resolve misunderstandings, tension, conflict and so-called ‘personality clashes’, which are usually little more that emotionally charged, ego-driven power-plays as people compete to get their 'needs' met through manipulative displays of 'synthetic' emotions! These outbursts stem fro and exacerbate low self-awareness and self-confidence and lack of emotional intelligence.
If two (or more) people are both easily re-stimulated into emotional displays, instead of facilitating and cooperating with each other, they will bluster, bully or power-play, which deplete time, money, energy and morale.
The process of inquiry suggested here can reduce the likelihood or effects of these clashes.
One caveat: some power-players will not learn from any amount of training because their emotional and psychological distress is pervasive and profound. Without counselling, therapy of some other form of healing process, their inner turmoil will manifest in all their dealings with others! I want to emphasise the importance of intent!
You might start with the best will in the world and still be misunderstood! Different learning and communication styles, and differences of culture, experience, education or other variables, such as mood or hunger, can all contribute to misunderstandings.
Base your actions and reactions on the presupposition that even resistant, resentful or rebellious people can eventually be encouraged and enabled to cooperate and collaborate.
Calibrate to sensory specific observations somewhat more than inference or supposition. Ask exquisite and incisive questions [Meta-model, Milton-model, Clean Language, and various other models - which I will blog on later - all offer excellent templates for such questions) to gather high value information about the other persons unique 'maps' of the world. If misunderstanding happens, or personality clashes occur, it is easier to regain equilibrium because awareness of positive intent can be a beacon that realigns our focus and refocuses our attention.
Most Learners respond – as opposed to react – better to managers, bosses, teachers, parents and other facilitators who show patience, respect and consideration. Resistance in one person often indicates a lack of flexibility or empathy in another.
Having the wisdom and humility to look to our own communication style serves us well.
The three questions can be used to help (re)build confidence and self-esteem. Facilitators can determine the Learner’s levels of competence and ascertain whether, for example, it would be appropriate to delegate. The questions are also an excellent framework if, say, a person, or a team has completely messed up and the Facilitator wants to raise morale by lifting people out of any depression.
The real point is not so much asking the questions, but about creating a process of benign exploration, so the answers are explored, developed expanded.
The first question “What do you like or appreciate about what you contributed to the whole process?” assumes the the person had something positive in mind, or did something positive in fact. Starting with a positive assumption can start to rebuild confidence. The 'wrong-doer', if stuck in depression about the wrong-doing, might need help even to remember or accept that anything of value or worth occurred. If re-motivated, people and projects can move on. All parties can recognise that, despite any errors or failure, the transgressors devoted time, energy and commitment and had positive intent. Open acknowledgement of each person’s contribution helps determine organisational, team and individual ethos.
The second question “What might you differently in the future?” directs attention toward the future. Compare that with “What should you have done differently?” which directs attention into an immutable past. It also implies that the person will have learnt something from any mistakes and errors of judgment. The question, and the positive intent of the process, also conveys the message that ‘failure’ is not a mortal sin, merely a human probability. The word ‘should’ can trigger an enervating and disheartening ‘adapted child’ response, especially if asked by an authority figure with poor communication, listening, questioning or motivating skills.
Question three “What would you like from me?” or "How do you think I can support you?" helps the Facilitator to gleans some high value information about the Learner’s readiness to listen, to learn, to ask for or accept support. The answer can also give clues to the Learner’s Emotional Intelligence, including self-awareness of where s/he locates hirself in terms of: Unconscious Incompetence, Conscious Incompetence, Conscious Competence, or Unconscious Competence.
Good Facilitators help people get closer to organisational, team, personal and professional goals. By modelling good listening and exquisite questioning skills the Facilitator enables others to recognise any limiting beliefs and bedrock assumptions that might keep them running on habit.
go well
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